Week 19 - Who do you Miss?

A month ago if I was asked this question, I would have answered my father, Eli and my grand parents, and my ex-husband Bill. I hadn't lived with any of the above people for many years. So the feeling of loss was dampened by time and distance.

But today my loss is acute. On Tuesday January 7th, my husband and best friend died of lung cancer. Burt had been my companion since the fall of 1990.  I will write Burt's story on my genealogy blog in the near future. Today I'm writing the story of Burt and Margaret.

I first met Burt in 1987. We were both employees of Martin Marietta assigned to a software modernization project. The project scope was huge, and included an MRP system written by Arthur Anderson and an off-the-shelf Shop Floor Control System, both of which were modified to work with other Martin Marietta written software including Work Measurement System, Financials, Operator Instructions, etc.

Burt was assigned to work the interface between the MPR system and the financial systems. He was responsible to ensure the final design met government compliance rules. I was assigned to the implementation team by the Industrial Engineering department - I had a much smaller scope of work.

In the fall of 1987, the team was struggling to find a way to capture and pass operator clockings from the Shop Floor Control Systems to the Payroll and Work Measurement Systems. At this time, I was bored and didn't have enough work to keep me busy. I asked if I could take a stab at the task and successfully found a way to capture the data.

In January of 1988 my then husband Bill suffered a brain hemorrhage. As a result, I was on family leave when the final software testing was done. My friend and coworker Cathy performed the software testing with Burt in my place. Later that year when I had my performance appraisal report (PAR), I asked Burt to submit an input to the PAR, which he did. He rated me average - and for those who know me, I'm NOT average. 

Around 1989 Burt and Cathy were working on a project and were co-located with Information Systems at a different site. While attending a meeting at that site, I made arrangements to have lunch with Cathy. She asked Burt to come with us. Burt got tied up in a meeting and after waiting quite awhile for him my toes were tapping with my need to get to lunch so I could get back to work. When Burt finally got free, we jumped in my car and drove to a diner across the street. After driving once around the parking lot, Burt commented, "Are you ever going to park this car?". After I parked the car and got out, I said to Burt, "You know Burt, I'm NEVER going to have lunch with you again." It would later become our private joke.

In 1990 my marriage to Bill was over and I was struggling to put my life back together. Burt came into my cube one day to see Cathy who was then my cube-mate. I noticed that the seam of his slacks near the pocket was coming unsewn. I suggested that he might want his wife repair the seam. He replied sadly that he didn't know if he had a wife. I then told him "If you ever need to talk, give me call". Never in my wildest dreams did I believe he would call, but several weeks later on a Saturday morning, my phone rang.

Our first real date was to Light Up Orlando 1990. Accompanying us were my step children, Mary & Jim Sasser. Jim was living in Cocoa Beach at the time. Mary was living in Kansas. She was in Florida to visit her father Bill who was flying in to Orlando on the following day. This would set the tone for our relationship for years. Burt made room in our relationship for Bill and for Bill's kids.

Since I wasn't yet ready to make any commitments, I kept pushing Burt away. We kept up the push/pull relationship until 1992. In January 1992, Burt was went to Chicago for 6 months on the temporary duty assignment. While he was gone, I realized just how much he had wormed his way into my life. When he returned in June, he moved in with me.

We lived together in Orlando until 1994. In 1994 Martin Marietta transferred me to the Ocala plant. For the first month, I tried driving back and forth, but 3 hours on the road a day was more that I could take. So I asked one of my coworkers if I could rent a room from her. So for about a year I drove up to Ocala on Monday morning and drove home to Orlando on Friday afternoon. It was during this period that Burt and I decided that we wanted to make a long term commitment to each other.

On May 26th, 1995 Burt and I were married in Orlando, Florida. It was the third marriage for both us.

Using our marriage as leverage, Burt was able to persuade Martin Marietta to assign him an office in Ocala. In the spring of 1996 we moved into our home, a 4 bedroom 2 bath home we had built on a vacant lot in the southeastern part of Ocala.

In 2000, Burt retired at the age of 55. I continued to work full time for a year or so before I went part time and began working 4 days a week.

In 2003 Bill's sister Betty was feeling overwhelmed; with the death of their mother, Betty became the primary care taker of her twin brother Bill.  I volunteered to assume his care. I moved Bill to Ocala and placed him in an assisted living facility that was located 7 minutes from the house. I also went to court and became Bill's guardian. Although we had a few bumps in our relationship when I assumed Bill's care, Burt made room in our relationship for Bill.

In 2006 Burt was diagnosed with Congestive Heart failure. One day when I came home from work Burt told me he thought he had a heart attack earlier in the day. I took him to the ER and 2 days later he was the proud owner of an ICD (implantable cardioverted-defibrillator) or to the common person a pacemaker with a built in defibrillator. The device saved his life at least twice that we know of.

In January 2012 I retired from Lockheed Martin. At the request of Bill's children in the summer of 2012, I moved Bill to Hendersonville, North Carolina. Bill's son Jim became Bill's primary guardian.

In December 2012, the battery of Burt's ICD was wearing out, so in an outpatient procedure the ICD was replaced with a newer model. Within a couple of weeks the device detected some abnormal rhythms and twice it shocked his heart back into a normal rhythm.

Burt was referred to another cardiologist who specialized in arrhythmias. He was prescribed two different prescription drugs, one of which was Amiodarone. 5 % of patients taking Amiodarone develop adverse lung problems; Burt was one of the 5%. He was referred to a pulmonologist who treated the Amiodarone toxicity with steroids, his lung problems didn't improve. Further tests revealed Burt had incurable lung cancer.

The oncologist said the mean survival for Burt's type of cancer was 4 months. I had hoped for a longer time as the PET scan showed it wasn't yet in his major organs. We had a mere two months to say of lifetime of goodbyes - I would have liked a bit more time. Burt told me he would be waiting when my time comes.

I am an optimist - We had more than 20 years together. That's a great outcome for a pair of two time losers.