Week 25 - LOVE 

Love comes in many shapes and sizes. We love people, places and things. So what are the things that I think of when I think of love.

First is my family - these are the people who taught me how to love.  My parents although not perfect did have an inordinate amount of love to share with me and my siblings.

Things I love - I love to garden; pulling weeds is so mindless, I can think about the things that are bothering me, I can bitch and moan and carry on and get it out of my system. It is also the time that I feel closest to God.

I love the computer. I remember my first computer class. It was 1982. It has been a big part of my life every since. It was so logical, it made so much sense. I felt right at home. In 1983 my husband Bill and I bought our first PC. It made writing my college papers so much better, I could concentrate on the content, move paragraphs around instead of retyping endless pages to remove the typos.

I love Mexican food. After living in central Florida for many years, it is always the first thing I want when I arrive at Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix. There have been times, I went straight to Rositas after landing and met my family there.

I love my dogs. As a child, our family always had a dog - an outside dog. Our yard wasn't fenced, we lost several dogs that got hit by a car on 56th street. At that time, (before I-10) it was the main road between Phoenix and Tucson. In winter of 1976-77 Bruce and I got our first dog, Tater. Bruce was working as a dispatcher for the Coral Springs Police department. He asked the animal control office to look for a small female dog. Tater was found in a box with several other puppies behind the local Vet. We took her everywhere including Phoenix and Montrose, Colorado. During our divorce, Bruce took Tater and I kept her puppy Radar. I had Radar until around 1994. Sport joined my household in 1987 and he was around for many years as well. Foxy is my current dog and constant companion. I would be lost right now without her.

But I guess these things were not what you were expecting on the topic of Love. According to Linda Sapadin, in her ‘… But I Love Him!’ So What is Love?' Blog discusses three types of Love. I have experienced all three.

1) Romantic love - Excitement rules the day. You are walking on air. He can do no wrong. You are the luckiest woman on earth. 

When I was 14, I experienced "First Love". Mike was a quiet and shy senior at McClintock HS. I was a freshman - although I was not outgoing, I was not quiet and shy. We met at the bus stop. I spent most of my freshman year trying to make him see me. As a freshman, my dating options were limited. I could double date with a sibling, go to a church function, or go to a school function; solo car dating was not allowed. 

Our first date was to the prom; my parents made an exception and allowed him to pick me up in his father's car. We drove into Tempe and had dinner at a local inexpensive restaurant. When we returned to the car, it wouldn't start. Mike had to call his father who then acted as a chauffeur for the rest of the evening. 

We dated for several months; I never wanted a date to end. I was so sad when the evening ended and he left me at the door. But our love didn't last very long. Within months of graduating from high school, Mike joined the US Marine Corp. Our love could not withstand the difference in our ages and distance between us.

2) Addictive love is marinated in desperation. You feel you cannot live without this person. You need him to feel complete. Though you no longer feel good about yourself like you did when you were “infatuated with him,” you, nevertheless, feel you can’t leave him. Despite being constantly criticized, you love him. Despite crying about insults you’ve received, you love him. Despite being afraid of his anger, you love him.

When I was 15, I experienced "Addictive Love". Van was 4 years older than me. He dated my sister Shirley for a short time before we became an item. There were times when Van was very good to me, but more often than not he was slightly mean spirited.  My folks were going through a rough patch, and I was holding on to Van like a drowning person holding onto a life raft. No matter how badly he treated me, I wouldn't/couldn't leave him.

When I turned 18, I realized I had to make a change. I asked my parents to send me a college out of state. I spent 5 months in Dallas at a Fashion Merchandising College. I realized it wasn't the right vocation for me, I had no interest or talent in that area. But I did start to feel better about myself. When I returned to Phoenix, I was able to set boundaries with Van. After a few months I enlisted in the army and soon after we ended our relationship.


3) Seasoned love is marinated in caring, respect, trust and empathy. Differences are respected and conflicts are worked out.  I have been married 3 times - each marriage was longer and stronger than the previous one.

Bruce and I were married in 1974 after dating 6 months. It didn't take long after our marriage to realize it was probably a mistake - the biggest problem was alcohol. I didn't drink much and Bruce drank a lot. We tried to make it work, but finally in 1980 we called it quits. I still hear from him occasionally. He has been more successful in his second marriage and seems happy. I wish him the best.

In the summer of 1981, I joined the East Valley Singles club. One night I was at a local night club with the single club. I saw a good looking man in a walking cast out on the dance floor. It was Bill and I was taken by him. We dated for two years before our marriage in May of 1983. I learned a lot about life and loss from Bill. In 1988 Bill suffered a brain aneurysm which left him with damage to both frontal lobes. It was end end of our Romantic Love, but not the end of love for each other. Bill spent many years in Arizona and during this separation we were divorced in 1990. We remained friends. After his mother died, Bill returned to Florida and I became his guardian until shortly before his death.

In 1990 while working for Martin Marietta, I started a friendship with one of my coworkers who was also going through a painful divorce. Burt and I had worked together in 1987-88 but not closely. Burt and my relationship evolved from friendship to partnership. Our friendship survived a 6 month separation when Burt was sent TDY to Chicago. It also survived my transfer to the Ocala plant. For a year I spent the 4 nights in Ocala before driving home to Burt and my dogs on Friday afternoon. These separations help propel our friendship into a partnership which continued to strength over time. We were married in May 1995. Our love and partnership endured until his death in January.